Doctor Jokes, Jokes

Funny Doctor Jokes and Doctor One Liners

Sometimes patient-doctor interactions can get a bit out of hand and bat poop crazy and we like nothing more than exposing these moments for your sound health. Here is a collection of funny doctor jokes to make your day.

funny doctor jokes

Doctor and Nurse Interview-
Doctor: What would you do in the case of a patient who has eaten poisonous roots?
Nurse: I will recommend a change of diet.

Feeling like a dog-
Patient: Doctor, I keep feeling like a Dog. Please help!
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Since l was a puppy.

A sick patient went to a doctor-
Doctor: You are very Sick.
Patient: Can I get a Second Opinion?
Doctor: Yes, Of course! You are very Ugly too.

Patient wearing glasses-
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes. What should I do?
Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient : Yes, indeed they did. Now I see the spots much clearer.

The bounced cheque-
Doctor: The cheque which u gave me has returned back.
Patient: The headache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back.

The Nurse and the patient-
Nurse: Wake up! Wake up man!
Patient: Why, what happened?
Nurse: You forgot to take your sleeping pills.

Related read: Doctor Knock Knock jokes

Funny dialogue between doctor and patient

Funny doctor joke – Patient in a hurry 
Patient: Doctor doctor; I only got sixty seconds to live .
Doctor: Can you please wait there for a minute!

Funny Doctor jokes- Dentist pulling out a tooth
Dentist: Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient: And how much will it cost me?
Dentist: $150.
Patient: $150 for just a one-minute job?
Dentist: If you want, I can be pulling it out for two hours. Sounds better?

Funny Doctor jokes – The rabbit 
Patient: Doctor, is it true that if I ate a lot of carrots, I won’t need glasses?
Doctor: Of course, it’s true. Have you seen a rabbit with glasses ever?

Funny Doctor jokes – The French patient
A French woman comes to the doctor.
Doctor: Mrs. Williams, good news for you.
Patient: It’s Miss Williams.
Doctor: Miss Williams, bad news for you. Your’re pregnant.

Funny Doctor jokes – Patient and the psychiatrist
Psychiatrist: Do you consume alcohol?
Patient:  No.
Psychiatrist: Do you use drugs?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you run after other women?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you play cards?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: So why are are you here?
Patient: My problem is that I lie a lot.

Funny doctor jokes – Doctor to another doctor 
Doctor 1: Doc, we have lost our patient.
Doctor 2: What happened?
Doctor 1: He recovered.

Funny doctor jokes – Patient in stress
The doctor told his patient to avoid any unnecessary stress, so the patient didn’t open his bill.

Funny doctor jokes – Looking for the patient
Doctor: I have a bad news and a worse news for you.
Patient: Please tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have only 24 hours to live.
Patient: Oh my God! And the worse one?
Doctor: I am trying to reach you since yesterday.

Funny doctor jokes – The doctor and his wife
A doctor of a small village drives a car at 100 miles/hour.
Wife: Honey, you should not drive this fast, there might be a cop around the corner and he would stop you.
Doctor: Don’t worry darling, yesterday I told him to stay in bed.

Funny doctor jokes – Patient needs help
Doctor : You are going to die within 4 hours. Wanna see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A Good Doctor.

Funny Doctor jokes- The alcoholic patient 
Patient: Can you help me withdraw my alcohol.
Doctor: Yeah sure!
Patient: Let’s go
Doctor: Where?
Patient: To the cops who seized it from me.

Funny Doctor jokes- The doctor visited by a Russian
The doctor shows the letters on the board ‘CWZNQSXTAZKY’
Can you read this?
Read? I even know him. He is my my cousin.

Funny Doctor jokes- The old man
Bob, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Bob walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Bob and said: “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Bob replied: “Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said: “I didn’t say that. I said, You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.”

If you are a fan of knock knock jokes, this website, The Knock Knock Jokes is for you.

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