Doctor Jokes, Jokes

Funny Doctor Jokes and Doctor One Liners

Sometimes patient-doctor interactions can get a bit out of hand and bat poop crazy and we like nothing more than exposing these moments for your sound health. Here is a collection of funny doctor jokes to make your day.

funny doctor jokes

Doctor and Nurse Interview-
Doctor: What would you do in the case of a patient who has eaten poisonous roots?
Nurse: I will recommend a change of diet.

Feeling like a dog-
Patient: Doctor, I keep feeling like a Dog. Please help!
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Since l was a puppy.

A sick patient went to a doctor-
Doctor: You are very Sick.
Patient: Can I get a Second Opinion?
Doctor: Yes, Of course! You are very Ugly too.

Patient wearing glasses-
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes. What should I do?
Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient : Yes, indeed they did. Now I see the spots much clearer.

The bounced cheque-
Doctor: The cheque which u gave me has returned back.
Patient: The headache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back.

The Nurse and the patient-
Nurse: Wake up! Wake up man!
Patient: Why, what happened?
Nurse: You forgot to take your sleeping pills.

Related read: Doctor Knock Knock jokes

There is without a doubt, a special bond between a doctor and a patient, on this we agree. Well you know what they say, “Laughter is the best medicine.”Sometimes even on account of someone else’s fictional pain.

We have, from our enormous collection, picked out some of the medical files filled with incidents that’ll change the way you see your doctor; as an alien sent here to insert and then manage the chip that’s in your body producing nano bots. No, we think they are much more than that. They are the noble warriors who accept the role of being indifferent to the coughs and colds of the humanity in return for a prefix in their name, and a white coat. Get ready for medical humor and doctor puns.

Funny dialogue between doctor and patient

Funny doctor joke – Patient in a hurry 
Patient: Doctor doctor; I only got sixty seconds to live .
Doctor: Can you please wait there for a minute!

Funny Doctor jokes- Dentist pulling out a tooth
Dentist: Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient: And how much will it cost me?
Dentist: $150.
Patient: $150 for just a one-minute job?
Dentist: If you want, I can be pulling it out for two hours. Sounds better?

Funny Doctor jokes – The rabbit 
Patient: Doctor, is it true that if I ate a lot of carrots, I won’t need glasses?
Doctor: Of course, it’s true. Have you seen a rabbit with glasses ever?

Funny Doctor jokes – The French patient
A French woman comes to the doctor.
Doctor: Mrs. Williams, good news for you.
Patient: It’s Miss Williams.
Doctor: Miss Williams, bad news for you. Your’re pregnant.

Funny Doctor jokes – Patient and the psychiatrist
Psychiatrist: Do you consume alcohol?
Patient:  No.
Psychiatrist: Do you use drugs?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you run after other women?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: Do you play cards?
Patient: No.
Psychiatrist: So why are are you here?
Patient: My problem is that I lie a lot.

Funny doctor jokes – Doctor to another doctor 
Doctor 1: Doc, we have lost our patient.
Doctor 2: What happened?
Doctor 1: He recovered.

Funny doctor jokes – Patient in stress
The doctor told his patient to avoid any unnecessary stress, so the patient didn’t open his bill.

Funny doctor jokes – Looking for the patient
Doctor: I have a bad news and a worse news for you.
Patient: Please tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have only 24 hours to live.
Patient: Oh my God! And the worse one?
Doctor: I am trying to reach you since yesterday.

Funny doctor jokes – The doctor and his wife
A doctor of a small village drives a car at 100 miles/hour.
Wife: Honey, you should not drive this fast, there might be a cop around the corner and he would stop you.
Doctor: Don’t worry darling, yesterday I told him to stay in bed.

Funny doctor jokes – Patient needs help
Doctor : You are going to die within 4 hours. Wanna see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A Good Doctor.

Funny Doctor jokes- The alcoholic patient 
Patient: Can you help me withdraw my alcohol.
Doctor: Yeah sure!
Patient: Let’s go
Doctor: Where?
Patient: To the cops who seized it from me.

Funny Doctor jokes- The doctor visited by a Russian
The doctor shows the letters on the board ‘CWZNQSXTAZKY’
Can you read this?
Read? I even know him. He is my my cousin.

Funny Doctor jokes- The old man
Bob, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Bob walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Bob and said: “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Bob replied: “Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said: “I didn’t say that. I said, You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.”

If you are a fan of knock knock jokes, this website, The Knock Knock Jokes is for you.

Doctor One Liners

A patient told the doctor about his loss of memory, the doc made him pay in advance.

Whenever my employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always used to write, ‘A very good doctor’.

Making your therapist cry is reverse psychology.

I think when I was born, the doctor said to my father “I’m sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”

A doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was indeed right—I feel 10 years older already.

‘I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.’ the patient asked. ‘Try to take off the candles next time.’ the doc replied.

By saying “I was afraid of the dentist”, I meant the bill.

I think a-pair-a-docs is two doctors on call at all times.

What would a dentist say to a Sabretooth tiger? You have outstanding teeth.

A lady gets a divorce after her doctor told her that she could no longer touch anything alcoholic.

I started lying to my wife because my doctor told to break a sweat once a day.

What does it mean if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso? Never agree to plastic surgery.

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